Building Self-Compassion: Choosing Kindness

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Hi everyone,

Today, let's take a closer look at how we can choose kindness. Many of us may already be doing some of these and just have not consciously acknowledged it. Consciously acknowledging our actions, thoughts and feelings is a key step to choosing kindness and building self-compassion. 

Here are a some ways we can choose kindness:

- Kind self-talk. Stop the unhealthy, automatic, self-talk. "Ugh I'm the worst", "Worst mom ever", "I'm crazy", "I'm lazy", "I don't belong", "My life sucks", do any of these sound familiar to you? Many of us have had these thoughts, however, if we pause and really analyze these not so helpful statements, are they really true? If so, is it 100% of the time? No they are not. Remember, we are human and will make mistakes, no one is perfect, no matter what you see on Instagram!

- Kind self-touch. Sometimes this is helpful for us to connect to our body, get out of our mind and unhook from the unhelpful self-talk. Try giving yourself a hug, placing a hand gently on your heart or your stomach, clasping your hands together, and/or massaging your hands/feet. Do it mindfully, feel the warmth. 

- Kindness to others. You have probably heard that doing acts of kindness for others is good for your mental health, it's true. Look around, notice what acts of kindness you can do for others. Here are some examples: perhaps making eye contact with a love one and giving them a smile, just because;  surprising a love one with a small treat; writing a quick note of appreciation or vocalize it to someone at home, work, or in public. 

- Noticing the kindness of others towards you. Personally this has been helpful to remind me that I am loved, I am seen, I am not alone, and that there is good in the world.

Reflect on how you have been choosing kindness and/or commit to one of the acts of kindness noted above to try. Come up with concrete and realistic ways you can be intentional at being more present and kind with yourself, creating a new pattern of behavior so that it will be easier for you to remember to do it the next time you feel reactive, fearful, sad and/or overwhelmed.

Be curious, give it a try, and discover which of these strategies are helpful and which are a hard no for you. Remember we are not in a race or aiming for perfection, we are working on building self-compassion, one intentional action at a time.

Until next time, I wish you well,
Ory

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